Why So Angry?

I’m still bothered about something that happened to me and it has been a week since. I shouldn’t be stressing myself out especially because I’m pregnant. So here I am to vent just so I could have some peace at last. I got really emotional when I read on Ormoc facebook page a status pertaining to Manila complaining about not having electricity while Yolanda victims have suffered months of not having one. Within that status are comments like “they are all so OA” and the worst even is “I wish Manila have experience Yolanda so they would know what we feel.”. There were so many angry people out there and I’m confuse why they get offended over everyone who wanted they’re electricity fixed right away. How is this an insult to the Yolanda victims? Why get angry at everyone who has done you no harm who has no intention of ever insulting anyone? I admit it I wanted to have electricity the soonest we lost ours because we didn’t prepare for the storm at all. We didn’t buy candles, no extra batteries and our phone are all dead. How is my wish to have electricity is an insult? It’s not even like everyone is getting over dramatic. I made the most of what we could in the dark with our one flashlight by reading a book. We didn’t have tantrums or complained that life is so horrible why do we have brown outs! oh this is the end of the world! oh please kill me already! There was no war outside of people fighting over generator just so they could watch tv or charge their phone so they could have selfies and have it uploaded on facebook. People are living their lives normally despite having no electricity.

What of those people who have been victims of Yolanda who now has now recovered and once in a while their place have brown out and you see their post complaining about this? I don’t find a problem with them being whinny. Are those same people angry with us feels the same for their post? NO. I don’t see them posting making it a big issue spreading how awful they are. I’m not saying they should be angry at them too my point is how are we treated differently? Just because they have been victims before they get a pass and we get the beating because we were not as unfortunate? I myself have endured disaster maybe not as grave as Yolanda. 3 fires, storms worst than Glenda but not as worst as Yolanda, and flooding but never in my life have I used my struggles to close my ears to the needs of others. I have experienced having nothing not even a pair of underwear but I never turn my back against a friend who is distress over losing a wallet. My parents have been victims of Yolanda. I am from Ormoc. I may have not been there during Yolanda but I was very affected because I grew up in this place and my family, relatives and friends have suffered and all I could do at that time was watch and wait for news. So you have no right to tell me that I could never understand what it feels like. And how is it that this angry messages are surfacing during Glenda’s visit? What does that mean? That so long as the damage is not as great as Yolanda we should stop to care? This is not a contest! A disaster is a disaster no matter what. Lives have been lost!

My mother after Glenda hits Manila have messaged me if we already had our electricity back. They have not had electricity for months but still was able to show compassion. I have friends checking on us and who have not even yet recovered from Yolanda. These kind of gestures are humbling and very comforting. It is just sad that some people even though they are not victims of Yolanda would choose to say bad things against someone just so could they  feel they are better that anyone else.

I am against this kind of  prejudices. There is no evidence to prove that everyone in Manila are what you say they are. I have friends here and even have found my 2nd family here and I would defend them from what you people are judging them of. They have been nothing but helpful to me during Yolanda. I was able to get home and send more financial help to my parents because of them. I’m sure not only my family have received helped. My company and other companies send out help to all the affected areas. There were so many volunteers from different organizations. I am nothing but thankful to the people here. So please know what you are talking about before you post on Social Media. Also I don’t want you making a bad reputation against the people of Ormoc with your post because I know that there are plenty of Ormocanon who would go against you. It upsets me that you are using the name of our City and be representing an angry person who wants to be “COOL” and want to divide Tagalog and Bisaya by saying obviously an unintelligent statement. My message to those who are with the Admin of this facebook page, those who have made those awful comments is please watch the news. People have died! Have some compassion to the families who have lost their loved ones. Be sensitive to the current issue and have some respect. Unless you can do that then SHUT UP and not say anything at all! We need to be there for one another and for sure there would be more storms to come and the last thing we need is destroying one another.

Something Good is Going to Happen When You Least Expect It

Two weeks ago I had a pregnancy test because I was already 5 days delayed. But this time when I took the test I really didn’t look forward or expect anything because my husband and I weren’t really monitoring or taking anymore concern about my monthly cycle. We decided to just let things happen and not expect this time because we didn’t want to be disappointed again. So delayed for 5 days. I thought that maybe this might have been cause of me getting older. Since last month I was also delayed so I took this as nothing really new. I even bought a pack of sanitary napkin because I was already having spotting and cramps on my stomach. But then my boobs were really tender and it appears bigger to me so I thought how unusual it was so before I went home from our summer outing I went to buy a pregnancy kit. I took the test in the morning and was just waiting for the one line when lo and behold there were two lines on the stick. I thought that maybe I’ve had read it incorrectly. Maybe with this kit two lines means negative but when I read the instructions again it says two line means positive. So I went shouting from our bathroom and my husband was asking me what was wrong. I told him that I got positive result and he was looking at me like I was kidding. He didn’t believe me until he saw the stick himself and read the instructions. And then I started to jump for joy and he stopped me because my excitement might harm the baby. So after that we immediately went to the doctor and I did see my little baby as small as a grain of rice or even smaller than that. Although I was already hopeful about this pregnancy the doctor cautioned us not to get our hopes up at this stage because there is still a possibility that the sac that they saw from the ultra sound might not develop or worst I might get a miscarriage. It’s too soon to tell if there really is a life growing inside me. Those were really not the things that I wanted to hear from our doctor. She seems to sound rather negative but as I have also read through the internet about stories on failed pregnancy I was able to understand why the doctor needs to inform us ahead about the worst possible thing that could happen and that way we  would know what to do to prevent these things from happening. I was required to have bed rest which I was entirely against with because I have deadlines that I needed to settle. I was having another spotting and so the doctor decided that I should just stay at home so I could be properly medicated. I have vitamins and then progesterone which I really hate the most because I have to insert it on my lady part which is pretty awkward to do. Anyway anything for my baby. I’ve been going through a lot of changes too. Shortness of breath, fatigue, drowsiness, emotional, and crampy  legs and feet. My friends told me that these are normal symptoms and I should just get plenty of rest. Despite the discomfort and difficulties that this pregnancy has brought me it makes me appreciate every single one of these changes because it only means that my baby is growing. Wednesday I’ll have another ultrasound to check the growth of our baby and then maybe even hear the heartbeat. I’m really excited to become a mom. I love my baby already.  :) What a change this will bring us but I’m looking forward to this important responsibility.

False Alarm

Yeah no good news. I won’t go into details about it anymore because right now really I’m having a disagreeable spirit and I just couldn’t bring myself to talk about it. E thinks I’m going tralala already since last night. Right even before we left for work today he made this comment “what’s up with your mood lately?”. One minute i’m in a the-hills-are-alive-with-the-sound-of-music kind of mood and the next thing I feel like crawling into bed with a mug full of ice cream and just ugly cry myself to self to sleep.  It’s been like that since yesterday. Last night I was trying to cheer myself up with this new game everyone has been talking about, flappy bird. Sure I was ammused at first but after countless tries i could only manage to score 6. I wanted to throw tantrums again and not just because i am the sore loser of this annoyingly heart-pumping game but I feel like everything I do lately i end up falling flat. That me never breaking my score of 6 is a manifestation of what is going with me right now. How whiny now do i sound but I have no one here to air my problems especially because I believe these are just petty troubles and once I’m able to cry or write them down I’d feel better.

I’m putting on my best mood face. So I made an effort to look nice today thus explain me putting on this womanly shoes and a sleevless floral blouse which I usually had a blazer on but I chose to ditch at home and so I have my wobbly arms exposed.  I don’t want anyone suspecting I’m upset.  I look and feel different. Different because I realize these shoes hurt my feet and it is really not comfortable and i’m 1.5 inches taller and it’s white and also this blouse I find it awkward to raise my arms. Regardless of the unpleasant way my attire is making me feel right now at least I don’t look like I’ve been going through a frenzy of mood swings. At least I look all sunshiny and bright with my floral blouse (well that’s what I’m at least trying to act out).

I just wanted to take a week vacation and sort things out in my head. Definitely I know that I’m so impatient these days maybe because I’m turning 30 this year and it’s already next month and I guess I thought that a baby would be a perfect gift for myself. And now I sound so immature for throwing tantrums because I can’t get the gift I want for my birthday. I really should grow up now that I’m soon turning 30. That’s I guess the second best gift I can give to myself, the ability to think more like an adult to act now my age and face difficulties without bawling my eyes out.  I’ll try. Meanwhile I should probably stop expecting too much. Chill.
 
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Baby

So we finally decided November last year to get pregnant. Before we got married we initially planned on having a baby after we moved to our own house but then we changed our mind later last year. I don’t know how it happened but it’s like I have been shoot with an arrow by cupid that I just couldn’t contain myself with happiness whenever i see a little baby or a kid. It’s like falling in love all of a sudden. I so badly want to pour all my love to our little one already see him/her grow. I know that I could no longer wait for next year to get started. I feel like my hearts going to burst already.  With E  I can also see how happy he is when he is around kids and how they love to be around him. I love imagining him with our baby in his arms. I know he loves to have a baby already too. I’ve been watching the way he looks at his nephew and niece. Sometime he would talk to my tummy imagining me already pregnant and I love playing along with him. I wanted it to be real alread for us. I wanted for us to be parents already.

So for 2 months that we’ve been trying with no success I felt so down because I began to worry about possible problems. I know it’s too early to start worrying. My parents they had me after 2 years of trying. I guess I didn’t imagine E and I having any problems and for me it seem pretty easy to do. I was proven wrong. So imagine the excitement I have for the first day i missed my period this month (I’m pretty regular and I rarely missed a period). I immidietly bought two pregnancy kit that I took at a shopping mall’s comfort room, that was before I met with E after his jogging, and then the other one this morning. Both gave me negative result. I felt my heart sank. Looking for a second line to appear has got to be the longest time that I have to wait my entire life. E tried his best to cheer me up this morning by making me breakfast. It was nice of him to be understanding although I admit that I may be over reacting to this. So I really appreciate that he was patient and understanding with me. Still not having my period and feeling confused I searched the internet for possible answers because it is really unusual for me to be delayed. I’ve been having cramps since yesterday and my breast feels sore all signs of me about to be having my period but I’ve read that you could also be having those symptoms if you are pregnant. Since the pregnancy test came out negative I’m not really sure what is going on with my body. Am I just stressed out? I found out also that the most effective way to take the test is a week after missed period. This sparked a little hope in me although a week seem a long time to wait (yes I’m very impatient).

I hope by next week I’d start seeing two lines. Keeping my fingers cross! hope this is it. Wish us luck.

Challenge Accepted

I’ve always challenged myself year after year. I am not without a goal before new year. I may not write them on paper but i put a lot of thoughts about it and list them down in head. I do this because I wanted to push myself to do things I’ve always been afraid or too lazy to try. This year I wanted to build my vocabulary because I really want to blog more and it would usually take me a lot of time to think for the right words to describe most of my thoughts and I’d end up with not finishing a post and therefore no longer wanted to publish it. I’ve had more drafts than posts in this blog account.  So the challenge would be for the next post at least is to use words that I don’t often use (because I’m not sure if i’m using them correctly) and to learn new words and actually get to use them in my own sentence. 5 new and unfamiliar words starting next post! 

Goodluck!

Lazy Bookworm

I’m probably the laziest bookworm there is. I’ve read quite a lot of books since I’ve learned how to read and it is at least expected that you’d have a wide vocabulary. But nope! Whenever I bumped into words where I don’t know it’s meaning I’d never look it up in the dictionary. I’d impatiently skip that sentence and assume my own definition of it. My sister and mother have rediculed me for the incorrect usage and mispelled words I’ve done on my reports. The thing is when I’m into a story I’d never want to stop just to look up for meaning of words I don’t know. I guess as part of my new years resolution I’d have to work hard on my vocabulary. :) Perhaps on my next post I’d be challenging myself to include some words I rarely or have never used before. I hope I’m never too old to build my vocabulary.

Happy New Year!!! Welcome 2014

I’ve been gone for quite a long long time. I’ve been meaning to update this blog even though I know I really don’t even know if someone is really interested in reading my thoughts or what’s been going on with my life. A lot has happened the past few months particularly in the month of October to December. As much as I wanted to talk about it and vent or rant whatever you call it I just have to hold back myself because I don’t know how anyone would really understand what I went through and why I have to decide on things. But I guess it would have made me feel better if I wrote them down. Nothing makes me feel better when you just get to say what and how you feel on paper or here (in this age of technology) in a blog. But I was not brave enough so I remained out of the radar. I have only talked to a few people by few I mean 3 people about this huge thing that has happened to me.

Anyway 2013 I have to say has got to be the toughest year for me. I’ve never cried so much not even those time we lost a house from fire for the 3rd time. I can tell from experience that it is better to lose material things than have to lose a person you love. I mean things you can buy them again but human relationship is hard to find. I’ve been through roller coaster with my family during and after the wedding, then I have to deal with a sister in law and an aunt in law who hates me to death, then came yolanda, and an unending financial problems. I felt like I’ve been challenged too much last year and been dragged by the hair out of my comfort zone. I guess I now know where I developed a severe migraine. But who am I to complain? Other people had it worst. I got to stop whinning and just be thankful to all the good things I have. I mean as of this moment that I am typing I am not really feeling sad like the previous months. I guess things are getting better now. I mean sister-in-law finally moved out though not in what we were expecting (it was an ugly scene). I’ve finally got the courage to unfriend aunt in law so she would stop snooping on my account and telling bad things about me to my husband, sister-in-law and i dont know who else.  My parents are slowly recovering from what Yolanda did to our hometown this of course wouldn’t have been possible without the help of others (thank you from the bottom of my heart). My relationship with my parents I think is slowly getting better also doubt is still lurking. When it comes to our finances I think we’ve finally learned to set our priorities and made some sacrifices that means less traveling and dinning out. So you see we are on to a better start so I have a lot of expectation for 2014. I really hope that things will get better from now on. For this year we are hoping that we’d be debt free, save up more for our own house, and perhaps finally a little baby this year. I’m really looking forward to having a wonderful 2014.

Happy new year to everyone! :)